January 16, 2014 by Kara Nichols
I started journaling in a Hello Kitty diary at the age of ten. I have stacks of paper journals from high school and college, and now over 4,000 entries written on Live Journal, and I have written professionally off and on for 11 years.
But when it comes to this public blog I get a little queasy. Sharing my struggles with friends (and strangers) is scary. I’m not a huge fan of being vulnerable. Is anyone? Greater than my dislike for vulnerability is a passion for writing in this forum. Inevitably there will be at least one person who sends me an email thanking me for being so transparent. That makes it worth it to me. I know there are people who are more reserved and would never divulge like I do. To each their own. But for me, this is a space to hone my skills and expose my heart.
Also, there’s James 5:16. It says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” I share my struggles and sins to take some of the load off of myself, to gain insight from others, to possibly inspire those who deal with similar issues, and hopefully (fingers crossed) bring glory to God, and most of all, I want to be healed.
Confess your sins to one another. Right. If you are like me, it’s easier to maintain the facade that everything is fine instead of telling a friend you struggle with pornography, food addiction or anger. I can just imagine what Facebook or Twitter would be like if everyone was brutally honest with their junk. I’m not saying you should start a blog and air your dirty laundry. But maybe it’s time to pull a friend aside and share what is bringing you down. No one is exempt from dealing with sin. Get it off your chest! Not only does it feel good, but it’s a system created by God to heal us and strengthen our bonds.
When I was manic back in 2001, I believed that in order for people to believe in God, they would have to relate to my sin nature. So on screens around the world, my sins were displayed for all to see. This is not uncommon, for people to imagine their sins to be broadcast, but to actually believe it is happening is what makes my story unique. In my mind people were saying, “If this girl can be saved, after all she’s done, surely I can be too.”
It was hard watching all of my sins in my mind (which covered A LOT of bases, let me tell you) but I remember crying with relief when that delusion was over because it was worth it: by being vulnerable, others were saved. Keep in mind that at the same time I also thought Beyonce was stealing songs that I had written. I even called MTV from the mental hospital to try and get a hold of her manager. So I’m not saying that my illustration exactly stands solid. I’ve just always had a desire to share my struggles with the hopes of helping others and honoring God. So that’s the point of this blog. In case you were wondering. I was wondering too.