May 11, 2013 by Kara Nichols
Somewhere along the road I adopted the belief that God didn’t love me as much as He loved thin people. I felt that my extra pounds kept me at a distance from Him. That I wasn’t keeping my “temple” pure enough or my reliance on food for emotional support held me back from experiencing God’s presence and put me in the glutton category. After all, the Bible says in Philippians, “Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.” My belly has become my god, in the sense that I think about counting calories all of the time, I judge myself when I eat too much, I give myself no mercy, I use food to help me when I’m emotional.
—-> Percentage of dieters who regain the weight within three years: 90%. Percentage of Americans who believe in miracles: 70%.
I’ve been asking God about all of this. Will I ever lose the weight? Does the damage that diets have on my spirit and body really make sense spiritually? Is He up there in heaven keeping track of my weight? I like Matthew 6:25 which says, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?” I’m embarrassed to say that my life has revolved around food and my body more than it has around God. It’s pretty evident now that the Devil has been messing with my mind and heart. He knows exactly where to pin me down and fill me with lies.
Christ died for my sins, and because God is present-future He has already dealt with my sins and has moved on. Why can’t I move on? I used to want to be a size 2 with a killer body. Then I figured I could settle for a size 14 so I could shop in “normal” stores. And now? I would just like to be able to fit comfortably in a airplane seat.
God has done some miracles in my thinking. But this fat issue runs deep. And I get the impression that the only way I will be free of this is if I let God teach me how to love myself at any size — at the size I am now. To appreciate my body as it is today, before I daydream about how it will look tomorrow. I’ve asked God for healing. I’ve begged. Every time I start Weight Watchers or Thin Within I think “this will be the time.” But no. If I’m going to be really honest I should confess that at different points in time I’ve doubted God’s ability to help me overcome this. I’m growing stronger. I am changing. I am believing. I’ve been able to give up fast food and diet soda. But most of the time it feels like I’m cursed.
I read a book last year called Fat?So! It gave me hope that a person can be fat and still be in good health and lead a happy life. I am in great health, as it stands. But I abuse food. Sometimes I binge, every now and again I find myself throwing up, and other times where I restrict. So I’m asking for a miracle. I’m not asking for earthly advice at this point, I am asking you, God, to renew my mind and give me self-control. Not so I can be skinny but so we can grow closer together in our love. So that I won’t be bound to this obsession with dieting, so I can be proud of who You created me to be.
This is the first installment in a series called Let Her Eat Cake.
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.” –Erma Bombeck