November 28, 2012 by Kara Nichols
I can’t help but wonder how it affects you when I talk about God. Do you think I’m a walking miracle or a scam?
I know some of you will rejoice with me and proclaim these huge life changes as miracles, and I appreciate that. But my heart right now is for the people who doubt it. Who think I’m making this up, or it’s just part of my mental illness, or I’m just plain old delusional.
I’m not in the mood to get into a debate with you. I’m not good at debates. I just ask that you search deep down in your soul and see if anything I have written in the past few weeks resonates.
I have just about an equal number of non-Christian friends and Christian ones who access this site and I feel like I’ve been talking too much to fellow believers. I’ve sort of left everyone else in the dust.
I’m not going to show up on your doorstep with a tract. I won’t hit you over the head with a Bible. I won’t sing Amazing Grace in your face (which extra lucky for you since I can’t sing). But I do wonder if you will dare to ask yourself if everything you’ve seen me go through rings true.
Some of you have seen me at my worst. Depressed, hopeless, lonely, confused, desperate. I’ve had those demons cast out of me and I can live an authentic life that is for God’s glory alone. No medication, tv show, inspirational quote on Pinterest can accomplish what the Lord has done in me.
So how do I share that without coming off as a nutcase? Or a complete bore? Or a holy terror? It wasn’t long ago that the things of the Lord offended me and brought me much fear because it reminded of my manic episodes. I couldn’t stand conversations about God, I hated the Bible. I thought Christians were stupid.
But I’m a prisoner set free! Not because of anything I did, but because of who Jesus is in me. I cried out to Him and He heard me.
And you will know the truth, and that truth will set you free. John 8:32
I want so much for you to experience this freedom. Yes, you. Jesus longs to cover you with love and hope and purpose. No more feeling like a rat in a maze or a dog chasing it’s tail. That feeling is the worst.
Jesus is available to you anytime. If you’re unsure about God but want to learn more, please ask me. I’m not an expert but I will listen and do my best to explain what has been happening to me. I care for you deeply. And in the end, if we agree to disagree about the thing of God, with your permission I will still pray for you. Because I had prayer warriors go before the throne on my behalf for over a decade that God would change my life and He has been faithful to do so.
It reminds me of my life verse which is Psalm 18:24 and it says, “He rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes.”
Open the book of your heart to Him. Let Him restore you. He is there, waiting for you. I promise. I’m not claiming to have it all figured out. In fact, I feel like I’m in shock by His overwhelming outpouring of love.
But I ache for you. I see your pain and while I can’t fix it I know of a God who can and will if you let Him. There are also some wise leaders at my church who I know would gladly listen to your story.
I recognize your suffering. It was mine. And I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to suffer anymore.